Say your company sells Shih Tzu t-shirts.  Among 500 million users, I bet you can find a few that have joined Shih Tzu-related groups or fan clubs, posted pictures of their Shih Tzus, or discussed their Shih Tzu with friends.  And multiply that example to the niche-iest of niche markets, and you know there wi’ll still be people on facebook to advertise to.  It’s incredible.

Now I know nothing about their advertising rates or return on investment or secrets to success, but they’re probably not charging enough for this remarkable service.

Let’s take a look at some of the ads I’ve been shown the past few weeks and how well (or poorly) they’re targeted.

My profile says “engaged” so I get a lot of wedding-related ads.  These are two of the best.  Do non-millionaire, non-celebrity people get prenups?  I never knew.  Or perhaps this company is just trying to expand their clientele.

I also love the Groomsmen bobbleheads.  What an awesome business!  And gotta love the coupon code thrown in to seal the deal.

Data Used: “Engaged” relationship status, California location, interest in baseball?

Good thing this guy can set me straight about who the fake real estate gurus are.  That’s honestly a big concern of mine.  Is that a Bentley or a Chrysler 300?  Why put a picture of a car instead of a picture of a house or something else “real-estate” related?

And the Oakland Bucket List.  I get enough email already, and don’t really want to drive to Oakland.  Is that a famous haunted house in Oakland, or just some stock photo?

Data Used: California (East Bay) location, interest in business / real estate.

There’s an FBI degree?  Is it like an MBA?  I am intrigued by the SWAT-team looking guys in the picture, but I’m definitely not cut out for that kind of work.

I’ve never played Mafia Wars.  And this ad doesn’t really make me want to either.  Call me lame, but virtually “robbing, stealing, and putting contracts out on my friends” doesn’t seem like that much fun.  And aren’t robbing and stealing the same thing?  There’s probably some subtle Mafia difference I’m not aware of.

Data Used:  Non-foreign sounding name (probably have to be a US Citizen to qualify for the FBI), no job info listed (I might be interested in a career change and or wasting time with Mafia Wars), how I like 24.

Here we go: A’s Beerfest!  I would totally go to this if I wasn’t going to be Seattle this weekend.

And more wedding stuff.  Not sure what this dinner is all about.  They win some prize for over-use of adjectives though.  Exclusive, Sunset, Evening, Perfect, Dream.  Sounds romantic.  Alas, our venue has already been chosen.

Data Used: Relationship status, proximity to Oakland, love of beer.

Get Wedding Registry advice from the people who know you best — your friends at Target.  What’s interesting about this ad is there is no mention of Target, only their familiar bullseye logo.  In fact, I could be making a false assumption that Club Wedd has any relation to Target.

Is it required to register?  Haven’t done that yet.

I’m kind of curious why I was served this ad for Official Boy Scout Knives.  Some time ago I had joined some Eagle Scout group but I don’t see that on my profile anymore.  And they should know by my age I’m too old to be in scouts.  Or maybe they know I’m too old to be in scouts, but figure I might still appreciate a Sarge Quality Knife.  Unfortunately don’t get to do much woodcarving or whittling these days.

Data Used: Relationship status, possible Eagle scout affiliation.

A paid research study on beer?  Where do I sign up!  Unfortunately I was unable to attend due to a scheduling conflict.

The ad for VA Home Loans is poorly targeted.  I’ve never served in the military, and am already (unfortunately) a homeowner.  Not sure why I got this one.

Data Used: Proximity to San Francisco, love of beer.

Bored.  They got that right at least.  But still not bored enough to play Mafia Wars.

I get surprisingly few political ads, given the primary elections we have coming up.  I learned an interesting thing about Prop 16 though.  It is entirely sponsored and funded by PG&E, to the tune of $30 million so far.  Methinks if a near-monopoly utility company finds it worthwhile to spend that kind of money, and brand their campaign the “Taxpayers Right to Vote,” there may be something sinister and self-interested going on.

Data Used:  California location, and Boredom… how’d they know?  Multiple log-ins in a certain window of time?

I also “like” how the ads all come with their own “Like” button.  Whether you like an ad or not doesn’t matter, it’s whether it works.  The ad that is the most liked might not be the most effective, and vice versa.

Start paying attention to the ads you see in Facebook and I think you’ll be entertained.

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For example, you could drink a case of Red Bull every day, and it will never “give you wings” like the commercials promise.  If an energy drink can claim a physiological impossibility as their tagline, why can’t other companies?

Instead, other companies are required to list all the possible negative side effects of their product.  Drug ads are the worst.  I swear there was one during 24 this week where the side effects included (in rare cases) death.  Reminds me of a Jeff Foxworthy bit:

There are so many drugs out there. They advertise this prescription stuff, and I swear, nine times out of ten, the side-effects are fifty times worse than what the thing cures. It’s like, “Try new Fluorofluor. For itchy, watery eyes, it’s Fluorofluor. Side effects may include: nausea, vomiting, water weight gain, lower back pain, receding hairline, eczema, seporiasoriasis, itching, chafing clothing, liver spots, blood clots, ringworm, excessive body odor, uneven tire wear, pyorrhea, gonorrhea, diarrhea, halitosis, scoliosis, loss of bladder control, hammertoe, the shanks, low sperm count, warped floors, cluttered drawers, hunchback, heart attack, low resale value on your home… feline leukemia, athlete’s foot, head lice, clubfoot, MS, MD, VD, fleas, anxiety, sleeplessness, drowsiness, poor gas mileage, tooth decay, parvo, warts, unibrow, lazy eye, fruit flies, chest pains, clogged drains, hemorrhoids, dry heaving and sexual dysfunction.” I’m watching it, going, “You know what? I’ll just have itchy, watery eyes…”

I think it all comes down to a little disclaimer you’ll find on 5 Hour Energy, homeopathic medicines, and other herbal remedies:

” * These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.”

On the one hand you have the brutally honest, over-tested, cover-your-ass, federally regulated ad copy.  And on the other, no independent 3rd party testing, which allows the marketing department far more freedom.  “Guys, it’s cool, we can say whatever we want as long as we include the asterisk.”

It’s big business.

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The enigma of Netflix pop-ups has inspired numerous forum posts, including one on the official Netflix site, an eHow article, and even a twitter account.  Some people are amazingly bitter over something that takes a split second to close.

But does anyone really ever see a Netflix pop-up and think, “well now that you mention it, I think I’ll stop whatever I was doing and sign up for Netflix?”  It seems crazy but enough people must sign-up to make it worthwhile.

It reminds me of a comedy show we saw where the comedian talked about how the used car lots are always tying balloons to the cars.  Who drives past, sees the balloons, and says I must have that car?  But it must work, or else why would they do it?

I bet Netflix or their ad agency could license whatever technology they’re using to bypass the pop-up blockers and make way more than renting DVDs.

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Looking forward to abusing my scanner gun privileges.

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I’d just like to point out that the dog in the picture (not Mochi) looks considerably less happy than the dog in the company’s logo.  She clearly does not like her haircut!  I’m glad they included her to show the potential side effects of their service, but why not find a happy dog for your ad?

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2. eTrade.  I love these talking babies.

3. Bridgestone. A Hangover-inspired whale rescue mission, made possible by great tires.

4. Hyundai.  The future is full of uncertainty, but your Hyundai warranty will still be there.  Well played.

But there were a ton really bad Super Bowl ads too.  And I won’t even include the creepy Denny’s chickens.

1. Monster.com’s beaver violinist.

2. Bud Light’s book club.

3. Dove soap for men.

4. Dodge Charger.

5. Emerald Nuts / Pop Secret’s human SeaWorld.

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So creative… great copywriting guys.

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I haven’t yet seen the ad, which apparently features Heisman-winner Tim Tebow, but I would be surprised if it changes anyone’s opinion on the polarizing subject of abortion.  More importantly, there is a tremendous opportunity cost in blowing all that money in one place, on one single issue.  Imagine the countless truly good deeds the organization could perform with that $3 million.   Their tagline is “Helping families thrive.”  Imagine how many families they could help across the country, in Haiti, and across the world, if they really wanted to.

But sadly they don’t.  Instead, Focus on the Family would rather use their funds to stir up a political debate.  Is that would Jesus would do?

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That one character may not seem like a lot, but due to the factorial nature of text strings, it opens up an exponential number of new opportunities.  But despite it’s mathematical awesomeness, I’m not sure how Yahoo expects this change will help them earn back market share.

But this is entertaining.  Search “yahoo” on Google and this is what you get:

But search “google” on Yahoo, and check out the difference:

First the sponsored Yahoo ad begging the user to make Yahoo their homepage. “It’s Easy!”  Then a new search bar embedded in the search results with the Yahoo name bolded.  Looking a little desperate here guys.  It’s almost like “will the last one out please turn off the lights?”

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Impressive how this Green Chri$tma$ song was recorded over 50 years ago, but still rings true today.

“What’s the percentage in that?”

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